My So-Called Proxy Life

https://static01.nyt.com/files/2018/us/politics/20180413a-doj-oig-mccabe-report.pdf The Office of the Inspector General released a report today detailing the reasons for the firing of former Deputy Director Andrew McCabe. The primary reasons appear to be a "lack of candor" about information released to the Wall Street Journal about the Clinton Foundation investigation. From what I gather reading this report, it is little more than an explanation about why McCabe was fired rather than an indictment of McCabe or James Comey's reputations. McCabe claims to have allowed his Special Counsel to confirm the existence of the Clinton Foundation investigation, which Comey had previously avoided. Common practice is to avoid confirming or denying the existence of any active investigation. From the report, it argues that McCabe was not forthright and essentially was dishonest (whether intentionally or not) when he was asked about the release of information to the WSJ. This is a ...

Netflix and Amazon have really made these lists difficult, since a lot of the best material is now being released straight to streaming services. I should probably keep a better list of this stuff as I watch it. But I'm pretty bad about that nowadays. Call Me By Your Name Mother! Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri Get Out Dunkirk Wonder Woman Wind River Lady Bird A Ghost Story Baby Driver Movies I have not seen, want to, and may end up on this list:

On October 21, 2011, I will be going to jail. I do not yet know how long. It could be anywhere from 62.5 days (the minimum sentence) up to 10 years in prison (the maximum sentence). My lawyer has essentially prepared me for 1 year, saying he would be surprised if it was anything less. It could even be prison, which scares me quite a bit. Jail is bad enough, I don't know how I'd survive prison. Honestly, it seems a bit strange to think of myself ever going to jail. As a generally law-abiding citizen who prefers to avoid confrontation with the legal system, I have had a difficult time grappling with this. It was never my intention to hurt anyone, and it amazes me how a stupid choice could so greatly derail so many lives. Two victims were physically injured, both quite seriously. It is possible that one of them may never fully recover from his injuries, although I do not know what his condition is, even six months later. I can only hope he recovers. Whatever else happens, kno...

If there is one thing in this life that I find most difficult to cope with, it’s the loss of friends and loved ones. To death, to life, to time. Our lives change and friends become distant from each other, rarely able to retain the same closeness that causes the separation to hurt as much as it does. That break is difficult even when the friendship is left in turmoil: things said in unfortunate moments of lapsed judgment, things unsaid that might have helped mend confusion. More challenging still is when the emotional tie is unrequited, a raw nerve being plucked and left to heal without being mended. I’ve experienced unrequited love before – or I think that’s what it was. I’ve never been in love with someone who felt similarly towards me. It’s my continued regret that I have not experienced this. It is seemingly so common yet completely beyond my grasp. Can you fall in love with someone without really having spent time with them? Or is this simply a “crush”? What of “love at first si...

Each year, out of a nasty habit I developed while writing bad movie reviews back in the late 90s, I try to compile a list of my favorite films of the previous year. I like ranking them, even though the ranks can usually shift on a whim depending on my mood at the time. And unlike professional film critics, I don't get to see nearly all the movies released, which makes my list typically pretty mainstream. As I see more movies from 2010, this list will probably shift around as well (although I doubt I will come back here to make those changes). In reverse order... 10. Buried 9. Easy A 8. Kick-Ass 7. The King's Speech 6. 127 Hours 5. Inception 4. How To Train Your Dragon 3. Restrepo 2. The Social Network 1. Black Swan Movies I have not seen, want to, and may end up on this list: The Ghost Writer A Prophet Green Zone Exit Through The Gift Shop Micmacs Winter's Bone I Am Love The Tillman Story Catfish Fair Game Four Lions The King's Speec...

Drunken and lacking in attention span, the norm for a drunken weekend evening, I wandered through the local bar TryAngles. It was a relatively nice night in the summer of 2009 when something peculiar occurred: a note was handed to me by a guy with striking features. Searing sharp eyes, an innocent and shy smile, and impossible eyebrows. His name and number scribbled on the note, one of the only times I’ve ever received a number from a guy at the bar on a note. It felt a bit like being in high school, sparked with that twinge of excitement. Just as quickly as he had handed it to me, he disappeared into his group of friends. This is how I met Jason McCarley. One of my truly devastating problems is my lack of memory. I remember things which occur, but rarely in which order. I have a horrible sense of time, and this recollection is therefore segmented into bits and pieces instead of a linear timeline. The more I think, the more things become clearer, but since I generally suspect my m...

"Because [corporations] may be managed and controlled by nonresidents, their interests may conflict in fundamental respects with the interests of eligible voters." Justice John Paul Stevens, dissenting opinion On January 21st, 2010 , the United States Supreme Court ruled, in a 5-4 split decision, to overturn decades of campaign finance reform under the guise of First Amendment requirements. Justices Roberts, Scalia, Kennedy, Thomas, and Alito voted in favor of Citizens United, the nonprofit which brought the lawsuit. Their argument? That their film, Hillary: The Movie , was unfairly prohibited from being screened, since they attempted to broadcast it within 30 days of the 2008 Presidential election. I would like to point out that I have no legal experience, but even I can see how flawed this decision is. The opinion by Justice Kennedy (the current swing vote on the court) spectacularly fails to explain their decision, delving into such random non-issues like video-on-demand s...

"To have a task force make the recommendation that has been made, and to have in this bill the authority that's given to various unelected bureaucrats to make health care decisions, including coverage frequency, in my opinion, is wrong," [Joe] Barton told a hearing of the House Energy and Commerce Committee's subcommittee on health. MSNBC.com - Breast-screening debate splits along party lines This sort of quote is something I expect from politicians -- "unelected bureaucrats" should not be making health care decisions. Uh, yes, that is a very agreeable statement, if any sort of rational logic were underlying it. But since most health care decisions today are made by unelected insurance companies, that sort of statement is a bit contradictory.

Sometimes, when love won't answer back, you need to throw in the towel... Courtesy of Dido -------------------------------------------------- I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, Or tell you that. But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it where's the sense in that? I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again And I caused nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be And when we meet Which I'm sure we will All that was there ...

Saw Zack Snyder's new film Watchmen tonight with a bunch of friends. I should mention first that I have not read the graphic novel which this was based on. With that being said… Watchmen was damn good! It doesn't approach the greatness of V for Vendetta , but it is nowhere near League of Extraordinary Gentlemen bad. The biggest problems with the movie are hard to pinpoint, since it is difficult to say why it doesn't feel as great as it should have been. The use of music was often very over-the-top, and the plot seemed to meander quite a bit. Also, it runs nearly 3 hours long – this didn't bother me much aside from the three or four different endings (the last of which is almost completely pointless). And if you are easily distracted by male nudity (and I am – hey, I enjoy looking, so sue me!), Dr. Manhattan doesn't have any shyness about walking around completely nude most of the time. Talk about blue balls! But damn if it isn't a pretty spectacular movie. A h...

There is a person I know who has the rather obnoxious habit of saying variations of, "Know what I mean?" Sometimes it comes out, "See what I'm saying?" This is related to the unfortunate speaking style many of us Americans have adopted lately – and I fall victim to this frequently myself – where our punctuation becomes verbally expressed with various "ums" and "uhs", "you knows" and "likes". Hell, even our new President, when not reading from Teleprompters, starts sounding like a verbal machine gun. As for my new job, I am still trying to get a feel for this place. It's far different from the corporate world of JCPenney, which was very much of the nameless/faceless megacorps where you can essentially disappear and work on your own without being noticed for the most part. This is good and bad, since it's good to hide the things you don't want noticed, but bad when you want recognition for the good things you do....

30 years old. A major turning point, or at least I think so. Age is probably just a meaningless number, but whatever. I don't have plans to celebrate my birthday because planning for such an event requires time and effort. Plus, I'd rather not have to make my friends come up with excuses for why they won't be able to attend. Maybe I'll go to Brewvies if they are showing anything I want to see. When your birthday is in the middle of a work week, it makes it difficult to do anything. My family won't be celebrating until this weekend, so I could draw this out for at least three or four days. My 30 th birthday will forever be marked by the theft of my catalytic converter and O2 sensor from my Jeep. Apparently theft of these, particularly on high-profile vehicles such as mine, are a quick sell to parts facilities. I've always wondered what type of business accepts an auto part with no proof of ownership. I mean, this obviously isn't a one-time occurrence for the...

About two weeks ago, I was pulled over while driving home from school. It was the first time I'd ever been pulled over by a cop, which made me a bit nervous. I wasn't speeding, didn't run a red light, and wasn't quite sure what I was being pulled over for. The cop walks up to my window and asks for my license and my insurance card. Shit . I handed him my license and told him that I did not have insurance, not yet anyway. I had been planning to get insurance with my tax return, which I had yet received. The cop was polite enough to give me a ticket and allowed me to go on home. Apparently the Department of Motor Vehicles had revoked my car's registration a day earlier. There was no way for me to know this, which is why the officer let me go without impounding my vehicle. In fact, I did not receive notification from the DMV until a couple days later, as they held onto the letter informing me of the revoked registration before finally mailing it (the date on the letter...

This is going to be a rather long-winded rant, but I need to get it out. Salt Lake Community College is fucking with me. Last semester (Fall 2008), I took 6 credit hours, the bare minimum to be considered part-time and subsequently eligible for financial aid. It was easy enough, and I expected two 'A's for the classes I had taken. But instead, I received one 'A' and one 'E', which is the collegiate equivalent of a "fail". Naturally I was annoyed by this, but little did I know what sort of shit I would have to wallow through to get it fixed. I e-mailed my professor right away to find out what happened. He explained that he had not seen any of my programs run in class. I couldn't understand this, as I had shown all but one of my programs run in class. I did not show him my final project because it was not completed. I talked to him about this, and he said to just upload the file to the website within a day and he would accept it. So I did just that. ...

I am still jobless, still looking for something. In the meantime, I've been focusing on school, and geeking out with Windows 7. So as the computer geek that I am, I downloaded and installed Windows 7 Beta onto my desktop and laptop. I created separate partitions for both, as I didn't want to lose my installations (however, I did attempt an unwise "upgrade" to my laptop's installation of Vista, which corrupted both 7 and Vista). After getting my laptop fixed, I have been using Windows 7 as my OS of choice. Windows Vista has gotten a mostly bad rap, but it is a step backwards from XP. Windows 7 is what Vista should have been. While there is no software readily available for Windows 7 usage, I haven't had any problems yet. Installing the software for Vista has worked just fine with Windows 7 (probably because the base code is the same). Anyway, if you want to truly get your geek on, I would recommend checking this out. You have until February 10 th to download a...

As of yesterday, January 7 th , 2009, I no longer work for JCPenney. Though mostly of my own choosing thanks to general laziness, depression and job dissatisfaction, I will definitely miss my fellow employees. They made the job bearable when the work itself sucked the soul piece-by-piece from my body. And speaking of soulless bodies … I finally watched "Zombie Strippers", and it was totally awesome. One of those odd horror comedies which come out of nowhere for no particular reason, like "Black Sheep" or "Dead Alive!". Jenna Jameson, one of the most famous porn stars around, is surprisingly not terrible, and pulls out all the punches by going over-the-top zany zombie. Imagine the sight of Jameson's rotting flesh as she spins around on a stripper pole, and you sort of get the idea what this movie is trying to go for. Her first strip as a zombie is classic. If you are into horror comedies, check this one out.

Two semesters ago, I took GLBT Studies, one of the most miserable experiences I've ever had in school. While it was fun in class, the homework was beyond what should have been required, such that it seemed like the professor (*cough*) was attempting to prove the class offered some valuable educational merit. In reality, it is merely a compilation course, taking aspects from history, English, sociology, and psychology, then blending them into a cohesive whole. I did not do well, squeaking by with a D. Not even sure how I managed that, since I didn't even take the final. With that in mind, how in the hell did I completely fail my Object Oriented Programming class? Aside from one day during the week my sister came to visit from Portland, I did not miss a class. I turned in all but one assignment (the very first one, which was mostly pointless). I became friends with Michelle, the girl who sat next to me in class. We helped each other out, figuring out proper code and how to get pr...

Halloween is such a distressing time of year, mostly because I don't plan ahead very well. Halloween just shows up suddenly, even though I'm aware of what time it is. I usually want to dress up in costume, but cost usually keeps me from going all-out. This year, I spend about ten minutes on October 31 st actually getting ready. I went as a boy scout, taking my nephew's scouting uniform which surprisingly fit quite well. After my plans to go see "Rocky Horror" at the Tower Theater fell through, I decided to hit TryAngles or the new Club Jam. But my mind was made up for me when Rey sent me a text telling me that he was at TryAngles. I wanted to see his take on the Joker, complete with nurse outfit. And it was very funny, mostly due to the extremely short length of the nurse costume. He was showing quite a lot of leg, but at least he has nice gams to pull it off. There were costumes everywhere, from a couple other Jokers to many drag queens (Divine!) to many superhe...

When things are going okay for me, why do I seem to throw a wrench in the works? I was reconnecting with David and Rey, which could either have been a good or a bad thing. In my own immature way, I took the mending friendships and took a sledgehammer to sever the ties. I invited Rey to the bar Tuesday night, just to hang out and scout the area for hot guys, but he declined. He wanted to get up early to go to work. I assume he did this for the Jason Mraz concert he attended Wednesday night, since he had to be off work early. I've noticed that Rey has a very selfish quality, which involves doing whatever he wants only when he wants. When David told me they were at this concert, I grew incredibly annoyed. How easy it is for David to convince Rey to take off work, while I must pull teeth and inevitably end up with him blowing me off anyway. When I realized I had become jealous over this ridiculously inane thing, I knew that I could not maintain a friendship with David or Rey. I do not ...

Aside from my dreams, this past weekend was quite an entertaining one. Friday night, I hit my usual drinking hole, although I was surprised that nobody I knew was there. It seems to happen every other week—one week I’ll know several people, and the next week, nobody at all. I couldn’t even find a spot at the bar to just sit and brood into my Dead Horse. I wandered around the bar, not really talking to anyone, just watching the happy-go-lucky people laugh and shoot pool. It wasn’t until around last call that I met Kelly. We’d been eyeing each other for a few minutes, although I couldn’t tell if he was looking at me or checking out the message board above my head. Turns out he was looking at me, and he introduced himself as I stood in line for my last beer and the check. As an aside, David and Jim both know my drink of choice now. They tend to have it ready for me by the time I hit the front of the line. Kelly and his two roommates (Scott and Greg, boyfriends) were playing darts, so I jo...