My So-Called Proxy Life

Two semesters ago, I took GLBT Studies, one of the most miserable experiences I've ever had in school. While it was fun in class, the homework was beyond what should have been required, such that it seemed like the professor (*cough*) was attempting to prove the class offered some valuable educational merit. In reality, it is merely a compilation course, taking aspects from history, English, sociology, and psychology, then blending them into a cohesive whole. I did not do well, squeaking by with a D. Not even sure how I managed that, since I didn't even take the final. With that in mind, how in the hell did I completely fail my Object Oriented Programming class? Aside from one day during the week my sister came to visit from Portland, I did not miss a class. I turned in all but one assignment (the very first one, which was mostly pointless). I became friends with Michelle, the girl who sat next to me in class. We helped each other out, figuring out proper code and how to get pr...

Halloween is such a distressing time of year, mostly because I don't plan ahead very well. Halloween just shows up suddenly, even though I'm aware of what time it is. I usually want to dress up in costume, but cost usually keeps me from going all-out. This year, I spend about ten minutes on October 31 st actually getting ready. I went as a boy scout, taking my nephew's scouting uniform which surprisingly fit quite well. After my plans to go see "Rocky Horror" at the Tower Theater fell through, I decided to hit TryAngles or the new Club Jam. But my mind was made up for me when Rey sent me a text telling me that he was at TryAngles. I wanted to see his take on the Joker, complete with nurse outfit. And it was very funny, mostly due to the extremely short length of the nurse costume. He was showing quite a lot of leg, but at least he has nice gams to pull it off. There were costumes everywhere, from a couple other Jokers to many drag queens (Divine!) to many superhe...

When things are going okay for me, why do I seem to throw a wrench in the works? I was reconnecting with David and Rey, which could either have been a good or a bad thing. In my own immature way, I took the mending friendships and took a sledgehammer to sever the ties. I invited Rey to the bar Tuesday night, just to hang out and scout the area for hot guys, but he declined. He wanted to get up early to go to work. I assume he did this for the Jason Mraz concert he attended Wednesday night, since he had to be off work early. I've noticed that Rey has a very selfish quality, which involves doing whatever he wants only when he wants. When David told me they were at this concert, I grew incredibly annoyed. How easy it is for David to convince Rey to take off work, while I must pull teeth and inevitably end up with him blowing me off anyway. When I realized I had become jealous over this ridiculously inane thing, I knew that I could not maintain a friendship with David or Rey. I do not ...

Aside from my dreams, this past weekend was quite an entertaining one. Friday night, I hit my usual drinking hole, although I was surprised that nobody I knew was there. It seems to happen every other week—one week I’ll know several people, and the next week, nobody at all. I couldn’t even find a spot at the bar to just sit and brood into my Dead Horse. I wandered around the bar, not really talking to anyone, just watching the happy-go-lucky people laugh and shoot pool. It wasn’t until around last call that I met Kelly. We’d been eyeing each other for a few minutes, although I couldn’t tell if he was looking at me or checking out the message board above my head. Turns out he was looking at me, and he introduced himself as I stood in line for my last beer and the check. As an aside, David and Jim both know my drink of choice now. They tend to have it ready for me by the time I hit the front of the line. Kelly and his two roommates (Scott and Greg, boyfriends) were playing darts, so I jo...

So another weekend has gone by. Friday night was spent at TryAngles, bar of choice for gays seeking social interaction without the thump of bass-heavy music drowning out all conversation like you find at clubs. Some drunks still attempt to dance on the small floor, but that's mostly for the entertainment of people watching from the sidelines. One of the funnier things is a new "LED chat room", where a series of monitors are placed around the bar. You setup a chat name and use your cell phone to text your anonymous messages to the bar patrons. Very, very entertaining, and a brilliant conversation starter. It's like having gay.com right there at the bar! Speaking of which, I met Delaney for the first time after probably years of chatting with him on gay.com. Crazy how I can know someone without ever actually having met them. We connected a bit, so maybe something will develop from it? Maybe… although I'm still wanting to ask Fredrik out. Hey, I can do both, right? A...

Some weekends are just better than others, and this last one was all over the map. Aside from dealing with a massive breakout of acne, which just started my descent into self-consciousness, Friday night began with John sending me a text asking what I was up to. It has been a few weeks since I spoke to John last, which made this out-of-the-blue message a bit suspect. What motive might he have, aside from the obvious? Turns out it was the obvious: he was coming down to Salt Lake and needed a place to crash. I offered my room for the night, which was probably not the brightest thing I could have done. Still, he’s a friend and I didn’t want him to have to rent a motel room. He wanted to meet up at TryAngles, so after much persuasion, I agreed. I would have preferred just to hide away in my room all weekend, away from the eyes of people. But I was wanting to drink, so I went after saying good night to Erin. I met John there, sat at the bar and just drank beer most of the night. As fate woul...

Saw the movie "Choke" tonight, which was very funny but also had some sad characters stuck in their lives. One line of dialogue stuck with me though: "I'm afraid after I die, there will be no one left to love him." Or I think that's how it goes. It made me feel for the character, and made me think about my own life. I'm grateful for the close friends I have, the ones who show that they care even during my hardest, bleakest periods. Many of which are occurring lately, or so it seems. There was a preview for a movie called "How To Lose Friends and Alienate People". I laughed and thought, Well, there's something I don't need help with! I have an incredibly difficult time connecting with other people, and I don't communicate well, especially about how I feel. I have a hard time even looking people in the eye, because I think I'm scared that they'll see that I'm dead inside. When I do look people in the eye, I usually want t...