My So-Called Proxy Life

On October 21, 2011, I will be going to jail. I do not yet know how long. It could be anywhere from 62.5 days (the minimum sentence) up to 10 years in prison (the maximum sentence). My lawyer has essentially prepared me for 1 year, saying he would be surprised if it was anything less. It could even be prison, which scares me quite a bit. Jail is bad enough, I don't know how I'd survive prison. Honestly, it seems a bit strange to think of myself ever going to jail. As a generally law-abiding citizen who prefers to avoid confrontation with the legal system, I have had a difficult time grappling with this. It was never my intention to hurt anyone, and it amazes me how a stupid choice could so greatly derail so many lives. Two victims were physically injured, both quite seriously. It is possible that one of them may never fully recover from his injuries, although I do not know what his condition is, even six months later. I can only hope he recovers. Whatever else happens, kno...

If there is one thing in this life that I find most difficult to cope with, it’s the loss of friends and loved ones. To death, to life, to time. Our lives change and friends become distant from each other, rarely able to retain the same closeness that causes the separation to hurt as much as it does. That break is difficult even when the friendship is left in turmoil: things said in unfortunate moments of lapsed judgment, things unsaid that might have helped mend confusion. More challenging still is when the emotional tie is unrequited, a raw nerve being plucked and left to heal without being mended. I’ve experienced unrequited love before – or I think that’s what it was. I’ve never been in love with someone who felt similarly towards me. It’s my continued regret that I have not experienced this. It is seemingly so common yet completely beyond my grasp. Can you fall in love with someone without really having spent time with them? Or is this simply a “crush”? What of “love at first si...

Each year, out of a nasty habit I developed while writing bad movie reviews back in the late 90s, I try to compile a list of my favorite films of the previous year. I like ranking them, even though the ranks can usually shift on a whim depending on my mood at the time. And unlike professional film critics, I don't get to see nearly all the movies released, which makes my list typically pretty mainstream. As I see more movies from 2010, this list will probably shift around as well (although I doubt I will come back here to make those changes). In reverse order... 10. Buried 9. Easy A 8. Kick-Ass 7. The King's Speech 6. 127 Hours 5. Inception 4. How To Train Your Dragon 3. Restrepo 2. The Social Network 1. Black Swan Movies I have not seen, want to, and may end up on this list: The Ghost Writer A Prophet Green Zone Exit Through The Gift Shop Micmacs Winter's Bone I Am Love The Tillman Story Catfish Fair Game Four Lions The King's Speec...